I think i peed on brittanys purse
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
