Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
