Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
