Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there was a trapeze. enough said
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
