Plan B is the new Plan A
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
