some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
