They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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