can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
