I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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