i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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