yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
