i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
