WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
