just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
