if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
