He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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