Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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