i want to swaddle you in tequila
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
