he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
