The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
