i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
