is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
