The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were trust falling into bushes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
