I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
