ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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