Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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