She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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