Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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