Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
