Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A+ Viking dick
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
