So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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