The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
