Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
