I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything about him screamed your future.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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