Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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