the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
