I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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