life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize