The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
