Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
