Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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