I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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