the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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