I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
