Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
