Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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