from now on my penis is your penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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