it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
