Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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