Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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