oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
