Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
