You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
