False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
