why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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