Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize