That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I would ride that face into the sunset
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
