All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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