i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
