I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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