I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My first STD was from a foam party
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
