you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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