I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize