All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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