So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
