Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize