just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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